[Niles just looks at Ryoma and knows his words are true. He'd feel foolish if not for the fact that Ryoma is indulging these crazy thoughts that he's having without even smiling at them.]
[ There's a moment of softness in Ryoma. He so rarely bares anything about himself to anyone, but Niles calls to the softness kept deep under duty and stoicism; Ryoma lays his heart at Niles' feet, for better or for worse. The softness gives way to amusement--another rare emotion for Ryoma to display--as he fixes at Niles' hair. ]
You may frustrate and confuse me at, at times, but know that I love you. Almost nothing you could do will stop me from loving you--and annoying the nobility is nowhere near my limits.
[ Ryoma laughs then, affection and amusement giving way to a measure of embarrassment. ]
I'll try harder, next time. Someday, I'll come up with something as passionate as the lovers of eld.
[ ... or the ones in the books in his desk that he definitely doesn't read when he's got some free time and would start ripping his hair out if he had to read another line of policy writing. ]
Niles. Love.
[ He catches his chin, tipping his head up so that they're eyes to eye, leaning in to press his forehead to his fiance's with a soft sigh and a chuckle. ]
You're the man I chose. You're already my perfect spouse. I never thought I'd take the privilege of choosing my own marriage, but here I am... desperately in love and on the cusp of having you by my side forever. How lucky can one man be?
[He could say something about how much luckier he would be if Niles could behave, or how much better off he'd be if he found a spouse that didn't want to fight nobility....
But Niles knew that was on him to begin with.
He knew he would have to change and be someone else. Be a better behaved person, a kinder person, to the nobility. Ryoma says he's perfect... he doesn't believe that. He's never been perfect.
What he has been perfect at is putting on a false face.]
You'll make me blush, you know... [He chuckles a bit, moving his hand to touch him on the side.] I promise... I'm not going anywhere... we'll be married so soon.
[ Ryoma is not a stupid man. He's an excellent tactician and reader of people; he's good at game of riddles that most people call politics. He's not afraid to push someone until they play their hand and reveal what they're truly thinking.
... but with Niles, he wants to be softer. Kinder. Niles is something tender and sweet for him; something he wants to treasure. The thought of making him lay the strange sense of 'something' bare when he's working so hard to keep it muted turns Ryoma's stomach. He doesn't want his lover upset before their wedding day.
He'll find out, in time. For now, he smiles, hand moving to rest over Niles' as he cups his face, stroking a thumb over that sharp cheekbone as he brushes his lips against his lover's. ]
I cannot wait to call you my heart before the whole of the kingdom, and everyone I love. You're the world to me, Niles. Please, don't discard that so quickly.
[But keeping this muted doesn't make him feel better. He doesn't feel as if he can keep it quiet for long. Even now, his fingers, moving behind his back fiddle as if he's afraid of spilling the truth and making Ryoma mad at him for being unable to control himself.
It begins to read on his face. The moment he holds himself in such a way where he's unable to just spill the truth like he normally would makes him feel uneasy.
But sacrafices must be made.
He moves to kiss him back, his eye shutting at the touch, as he begins to softly smile again.]
I won't Ryoma... for you. I won't toss your love away.
[He wonders if now, Ryoma would push. Tomorrow was their big party, and he knew he had to stand up straight and act as if he was the ultimate husband for Ryoma. Even as everyone else might disagree.]
[ ... he catches that uncertainty. That flicker of apprehension, that pain. Ryoma meets it with a frown of his own--he stands, hands cupped around Niles as if he's the most precious thing in the world, looking into the precipice of some darker, unhappier unknown. Part of Ryoma doesn't want to push; the part of him that walled of his emotions from his siblings, the part of him that was ready to stand as king at age twelve if something happened to his last custodial parent.
The part of him that has no heart; that is a king, a leader, a figure--not a man. Not a lover. Not a husband. He thinks of Takumi's struggles, of Sakura's, of Hinoka's--of how they were all wounded in their own ways and hiding it, because everyone wanted to be strong in the wake of their tragedies. He thought, back then, that if he waited, things would come to light at the right time.
... but there is no right time. Wounds fester if they aren't cleaned. ]
Niles, my love. My heart. [ He needs to step over that precipice, even if there's nothing but a drop waiting on the other side. He needs to let Niles know that he's here to reach for him. ]
[Ryoma is so soft. With niles, he is often soft, but today. Today, here, now, in the face of all of this... he just looks at him. Those eyes are soft. Those hands are gentle... and he feels here. That he has to say something before he eats himself alive. With the swallow of the lump in his throat, and the feeling of the body close to him.]
...I'm struggling to say what I'm thinking now... because all I am thinking is what all I'm expected to be.
[He moves closer. He doesn't know how to explain the fear in his heart, how it's beating faster and faster. How he wonders what he'll look like, in front of everyone of Hoshido. Will he look kind? Cruel? Will he make Ryoma proud?]
I'm used to being a cold, cruel, nasty outlaw who says what he thinks and doesn't look back on it... but I'm going to be entering the world of politics for the first time as something more than a man to shit talk every noble in a room.
[He looks at Ryoma.]
I fear I'll be unable to make you happy, Ryoma. By the fact that I have no idea how to be anything more than a man who's only knowledge is cruelty.
[ For a long moment, Ryoma watches Niles, face somewhat inscrutable as he truly weighs Niles' words. There are plenty of quick consolations that jump to his tongue--and he swallows them down, because pain like this doesn't soothe with soft petting and 'it'll be fine'. He thinks, and then draws Niles to him for another kiss--and then he's tugging Niles along, leading him to sit so that they're facing each other, knees touching and still holding close.
He then gives a nod, eyes training on Niles once more when he's found his words and arranged them. ]
The first thing I need to assure you of is that you always make me happy, Niles. Your mere presence in a room brings lightness to my heart. You are my song, my sun; I love you so much it scares me, sometimes. The thought of you departing from me sends a chill through my body. You are... so much to me. Even if you were to scorn me, to turn me away, to return to Nohr--you would take the truth of my heart and leave me a king, rather than a man.
[ He breathes, trying to take the fine tremor out of his hands--he rolls his shoulders, settling his resolve once more. ]
You have been through so much in your life--it's almost strange that you have capacity for kindness at all. That said, there are times that the silver dagger of your tongue strikes too cruelly, too often--and there are times I wish it wouldn't. However--however.
[ A squeeze of the cheeks, to make sure that Niles hadn't retreated into his own pain, his own self-doubt. ]
There is a time and a place for everything. The ideal Hoshidan spouse... should possess a quality akin to silk hiding steel. I would like to see you practice some softness--but I wouldn't see you chain yourself to that softness, especially if it's met with someone who doesn't deserve your kindness. You should keep that edge, that cruelty--there are men you'll meet that deserve nothing better. But if you can present that softness first; the manners, the subtle deflections, that may be... better. But I don't have every answer. I think you should live the truth of your life, bravely and boldly. We can figure it out together.
[It was hard not to shrink into himself when he wished that there was less cruelty coming from Niles. He knew he could be cruel, but he wondered if he needed to change or not. Hearing that made him simply think that he should. He wanted to do well by Ryoma, and make him happy to be his husband.
Even hearing what he heard at the beginning, it made him wonder how honest it could be.
But he had to realize something; Ryoma gained nothing from being dishonest with Niles. Ryoma would lose if Niles found out he had lied to keep him here. It was something that Niles wasn't used to.]
...I don't know if I will ever know exactly when to be kind and soft and when to be cruel. I am just used to being cruel all the time. I am soft to you, of course, but it's only because I care so much about you. Being soft or kind is not something that would probably... ever come naturally to me.
[He moves to place his hands over Ryoma's, and looks up at him with a small smile.]
I was going to try. For you. Though I fear now that I might be one to go overboard... I just don't know where the middle ground is.
[He lets out a soft sigh.]
I don't expect you to have the answers... but with me not knowing either, I feel a bit... lost.
[ Ryoma watches Niles with a sober, quiet calm; he cups his lover's cheek and rubs his thumb along the jut on a slow, back and forth. He leans in to press his forehead to Niles, smile soft and sweet as Niles presses in close. He laces their fingers, kissing Niles' temple by his good eye. ]
Well. If you're lost, I shall bear your lantern--and we will find our way down the path together. If one of us stumbles, the other will be there to catch him and help him find his way again.
[ He pulls Niles in for a tight, warm hug, rocking him a little as he presses a kiss to Niles' neck. ]
I love you. We'll figure out what who we are together--what that means, what the actual line is, where the common ground is. We'll do it together. I swear to be here for you.
[Every touch, every moment, every feeling just makes Niles gasp. His fingers moving in and running over Ryoma's shoulders. He feels so at easy, when Ryoma is here and calming him down like this.
He presses his body against him, and just closes his eye.]
I'll hold you to it...
[He laughed nervously.]
If... if it's not too much trouble... can you spend the rest of the day with me?
[He had to get used to one thing. Asking Ryoma if he wanted something. It wasn't easy. He didn't want to make Ryoma's life harder. That was the last thing he'd ever want to do.]
I want nothing more. I'll prove to you that you are one of the most important people in my life in any way I can.
[ He presses his forehead to Niles', arms wrapped around him as he cradles him close. The laugh and the question are... curious, but. Ryoma smiles, bright and kind. ]
Of course. There's nowhere I'd rather be.
[ His paperwork can wait. ]
Did you want to do something, or just... be together.
And I will do everything in my power to never betray that trust.
[ He presses a kiss to Niles' forehead, his hug sturdy, but... giving, if Niles were to truly wish to wiggle free. He listens as Niles speaks, chewing his lip for a moment as he thinks on how best to serve Niles' request. ]
... that's easy enough. I'll dress down; there are places that have an understanding of what my siblings and I are doing if we show up in less than official dress.
[ The market aunties and uncles were always kind to the young royals. Ryoma gives a nod, as if to affirm the course of action within him--and then he grins as he begins to tug Niles along in his arms, waddling with him as he drags him to go get dressed. ]
[Niles didn't even try to wiggle away. The embrace was warm, and he felt very cozy in it. Letting out a light, happy sigh, he looked up at him and smiled softly as he caught him in the eye.]
...I look forward to that then. It'll be... relaxing.
[He hums, resting himself against Ryoma as they start to move away, and begin to move towards their quarters. Looking up at Ryoma, and taking a moment...]
[ Ryoma can't help himself--Niles looks... happy, in his arms, a sense of relief washed over both of them. He smiles, pressing a kiss to Niles' temple as they made their way to their quarters. ]
I'm sorry it's been such an adjustment for you. I never thought how strange palace life would be from the outside coming in...
[ Now, Niles had lived in a palace--but as a servant, not a prince-to-be. It had to be trying for a man so used to reviling the nobility, to being everything they weren't. ]
[Niles had to let out a low sigh, that felt relaxing and warm. Ryoma is quite the warm individual, and he's here now.]
It's just not something I'm all that used to. I promise I'll get better at it.
[He feels as if he might have to apologize sometimes. It's hard to try and act like a royal when you've gotten so used to just hating everything about them.]
[ Sensing that some of the tension has bled out of Niles is a relief; Ryoma smiles in the wake of it, continuing to pepper Niles with kisses as they arrive in their rooms. He reluctantly breaks away from his fiance to start removing the more ostentatious parts of his dress. ]
We'll figure out who were are together. That's part of being partners, isn't it?
[ ... well. Everyone has to apologize sometime; nobody's perfect. Not Niles, not Ryoma. Kagerou might be perfect. ]
I'll love you until the day my heart stops beating, Niles. I swear that to you.
[ ... it's probably too grand of a declaration for a man who's switching one robe for another, but Ryoma's never been subtle. ]
That's true... I've never really had a partner before. Guess I was surprised.
[Kagerou is definitely perfect. Niles starts to clean himself up. He actually ordered himself a new eyepatch, something a bit more formal for Hoshido. He looks at him.]
...As will I, Ryoma.
[He moves closer to him and kisses him on the lips.]
I've never had anyone as close to me as you are. I look forward to making my life with you.
[ Kagerou is the only one without sin on this bitch of an earth. Saizo is full of sin and also explosives. Ryoma drapes his big, embroidered robe on the bed, hand on a plainer brown robe as Niles nuzzles up into his space and gives him a sweet kiss--which he returns with a smile, fondly nuzzling in against his lover. ]
As long as we remember that, I think, we'll be fine. No matter the trouble or strife, as long as we remember that we love each other, we can weather most any storm, and overcome any hardship. I believe in us, Niles.
[ He presses one last kiss to Niles' cheek, stepping back to slide on his common robe and turning away to find a ribbon to bind his hair back with. ]
[He kisses him again as he gets comfortable in his own robe and moves to sit down on the bed. He looks up at Ryoma and lets out a light, gentle, happy sigh. His fingers move to touch him constantly, a hand on him as if to make sure he doesn't go too far.]
I just want to... be ready for what comes next.
[He doesn't know that he will. He just knows he wants to try.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2018-08-05 03:58 am (UTC)...I love you too, Ryoma.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-09 02:58 pm (UTC)You may frustrate and confuse me at, at times, but know that I love you. Almost nothing you could do will stop me from loving you--and annoying the nobility is nowhere near my limits.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-16 10:38 pm (UTC)That was almost romantic.
[But he knows he's frustrating and confusing to everyone, including Leo, so Ryoma isn't really an exception.]
I just... want to be the best spouse for you.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-27 11:25 am (UTC)I'll try harder, next time. Someday, I'll come up with something as passionate as the lovers of eld.
[ ... or the ones in the books in his desk that he definitely doesn't read when he's got some free time and would start ripping his hair out if he had to read another line of policy writing. ]
Niles. Love.
[ He catches his chin, tipping his head up so that they're eyes to eye, leaning in to press his forehead to his fiance's with a soft sigh and a chuckle. ]
You're the man I chose. You're already my perfect spouse. I never thought I'd take the privilege of choosing my own marriage, but here I am... desperately in love and on the cusp of having you by my side forever. How lucky can one man be?
no subject
Date: 2018-09-02 06:05 am (UTC)But Niles knew that was on him to begin with.
He knew he would have to change and be someone else. Be a better behaved person, a kinder person, to the nobility. Ryoma says he's perfect... he doesn't believe that. He's never been perfect.
What he has been perfect at is putting on a false face.]
You'll make me blush, you know... [He chuckles a bit, moving his hand to touch him on the side.] I promise... I'm not going anywhere... we'll be married so soon.
no subject
Date: 2018-09-30 05:05 pm (UTC)[ Ryoma is not a stupid man. He's an excellent tactician and reader of people; he's good at game of riddles that most people call politics. He's not afraid to push someone until they play their hand and reveal what they're truly thinking.
... but with Niles, he wants to be softer. Kinder. Niles is something tender and sweet for him; something he wants to treasure. The thought of making him lay the strange sense of 'something' bare when he's working so hard to keep it muted turns Ryoma's stomach. He doesn't want his lover upset before their wedding day.
He'll find out, in time. For now, he smiles, hand moving to rest over Niles' as he cups his face, stroking a thumb over that sharp cheekbone as he brushes his lips against his lover's. ]
I cannot wait to call you my heart before the whole of the kingdom, and everyone I love. You're the world to me, Niles. Please, don't discard that so quickly.
no subject
Date: 2018-09-30 05:11 pm (UTC)It begins to read on his face. The moment he holds himself in such a way where he's unable to just spill the truth like he normally would makes him feel uneasy.
But sacrafices must be made.
He moves to kiss him back, his eye shutting at the touch, as he begins to softly smile again.]
I won't Ryoma... for you. I won't toss your love away.
[He wonders if now, Ryoma would push. Tomorrow was their big party, and he knew he had to stand up straight and act as if he was the ultimate husband for Ryoma. Even as everyone else might disagree.]
no subject
Date: 2018-09-30 05:20 pm (UTC)The part of him that has no heart; that is a king, a leader, a figure--not a man. Not a lover. Not a husband. He thinks of Takumi's struggles, of Sakura's, of Hinoka's--of how they were all wounded in their own ways and hiding it, because everyone wanted to be strong in the wake of their tragedies. He thought, back then, that if he waited, things would come to light at the right time.
... but there is no right time. Wounds fester if they aren't cleaned. ]
Niles, my love. My heart. [ He needs to step over that precipice, even if there's nothing but a drop waiting on the other side. He needs to let Niles know that he's here to reach for him. ]
What's causing you such heartache?
no subject
Date: 2018-09-30 05:26 pm (UTC)...I'm struggling to say what I'm thinking now... because all I am thinking is what all I'm expected to be.
[He moves closer. He doesn't know how to explain the fear in his heart, how it's beating faster and faster. How he wonders what he'll look like, in front of everyone of Hoshido. Will he look kind? Cruel? Will he make Ryoma proud?]
I'm used to being a cold, cruel, nasty outlaw who says what he thinks and doesn't look back on it... but I'm going to be entering the world of politics for the first time as something more than a man to shit talk every noble in a room.
[He looks at Ryoma.]
I fear I'll be unable to make you happy, Ryoma. By the fact that I have no idea how to be anything more than a man who's only knowledge is cruelty.
no subject
Date: 2018-09-30 05:35 pm (UTC)He then gives a nod, eyes training on Niles once more when he's found his words and arranged them. ]
The first thing I need to assure you of is that you always make me happy, Niles. Your mere presence in a room brings lightness to my heart. You are my song, my sun; I love you so much it scares me, sometimes. The thought of you departing from me sends a chill through my body. You are... so much to me. Even if you were to scorn me, to turn me away, to return to Nohr--you would take the truth of my heart and leave me a king, rather than a man.
[ He breathes, trying to take the fine tremor out of his hands--he rolls his shoulders, settling his resolve once more. ]
You have been through so much in your life--it's almost strange that you have capacity for kindness at all. That said, there are times that the silver dagger of your tongue strikes too cruelly, too often--and there are times I wish it wouldn't. However--however.
[ A squeeze of the cheeks, to make sure that Niles hadn't retreated into his own pain, his own self-doubt. ]
There is a time and a place for everything. The ideal Hoshidan spouse... should possess a quality akin to silk hiding steel. I would like to see you practice some softness--but I wouldn't see you chain yourself to that softness, especially if it's met with someone who doesn't deserve your kindness. You should keep that edge, that cruelty--there are men you'll meet that deserve nothing better. But if you can present that softness first; the manners, the subtle deflections, that may be... better. But I don't have every answer. I think you should live the truth of your life, bravely and boldly. We can figure it out together.
no subject
Date: 2018-10-04 02:01 am (UTC)Even hearing what he heard at the beginning, it made him wonder how honest it could be.
But he had to realize something; Ryoma gained nothing from being dishonest with Niles. Ryoma would lose if Niles found out he had lied to keep him here. It was something that Niles wasn't used to.]
...I don't know if I will ever know exactly when to be kind and soft and when to be cruel. I am just used to being cruel all the time. I am soft to you, of course, but it's only because I care so much about you. Being soft or kind is not something that would probably... ever come naturally to me.
[He moves to place his hands over Ryoma's, and looks up at him with a small smile.]
I was going to try. For you. Though I fear now that I might be one to go overboard... I just don't know where the middle ground is.
[He lets out a soft sigh.]
I don't expect you to have the answers... but with me not knowing either, I feel a bit... lost.
no subject
Date: 2018-10-04 03:43 am (UTC)Well. If you're lost, I shall bear your lantern--and we will find our way down the path together. If one of us stumbles, the other will be there to catch him and help him find his way again.
[ He pulls Niles in for a tight, warm hug, rocking him a little as he presses a kiss to Niles' neck. ]
I love you. We'll figure out what who we are together--what that means, what the actual line is, where the common ground is. We'll do it together. I swear to be here for you.
no subject
Date: 2018-10-09 04:06 am (UTC)He presses his body against him, and just closes his eye.]
I'll hold you to it...
[He laughed nervously.]
If... if it's not too much trouble... can you spend the rest of the day with me?
[He had to get used to one thing. Asking Ryoma if he wanted something. It wasn't easy. He didn't want to make Ryoma's life harder. That was the last thing he'd ever want to do.]
no subject
Date: 2018-10-09 03:53 pm (UTC)[ He presses his forehead to Niles', arms wrapped around him as he cradles him close. The laugh and the question are... curious, but. Ryoma smiles, bright and kind. ]
Of course. There's nowhere I'd rather be.
[ His paperwork can wait. ]
Did you want to do something, or just... be together.
no subject
Date: 2018-10-13 03:31 am (UTC)[He presses his face against him, touching him on the arm.]
...I want to leave the castle. I want to go somewhere quiet to have dinner and cuddle.
[Somewhere where he doesn't have to worry about appearing like a royal man. He just wants to be with Ryoma.]
no subject
Date: 2018-10-19 02:42 am (UTC)[ He presses a kiss to Niles' forehead, his hug sturdy, but... giving, if Niles were to truly wish to wiggle free. He listens as Niles speaks, chewing his lip for a moment as he thinks on how best to serve Niles' request. ]
... that's easy enough. I'll dress down; there are places that have an understanding of what my siblings and I are doing if we show up in less than official dress.
[ The market aunties and uncles were always kind to the young royals. Ryoma gives a nod, as if to affirm the course of action within him--and then he grins as he begins to tug Niles along in his arms, waddling with him as he drags him to go get dressed. ]
no subject
Date: 2018-11-13 04:09 am (UTC)...I look forward to that then. It'll be... relaxing.
[He hums, resting himself against Ryoma as they start to move away, and begin to move towards their quarters. Looking up at Ryoma, and taking a moment...]
I love you. My husband-to-be.
no subject
Date: 2018-11-18 04:12 am (UTC)I'm sorry it's been such an adjustment for you. I never thought how strange palace life would be from the outside coming in...
[ Now, Niles had lived in a palace--but as a servant, not a prince-to-be. It had to be trying for a man so used to reviling the nobility, to being everything they weren't. ]
I love you, my heart.
no subject
Date: 2018-11-22 04:52 am (UTC)It's just not something I'm all that used to. I promise I'll get better at it.
[He feels as if he might have to apologize sometimes. It's hard to try and act like a royal when you've gotten so used to just hating everything about them.]
...I love you too, Ryoma. Always.
no subject
Date: 2018-12-04 04:47 am (UTC)We'll figure out who were are together. That's part of being partners, isn't it?
[ ... well. Everyone has to apologize sometime; nobody's perfect. Not Niles, not Ryoma. Kagerou might be perfect. ]
I'll love you until the day my heart stops beating, Niles. I swear that to you.
[ ... it's probably too grand of a declaration for a man who's switching one robe for another, but Ryoma's never been subtle. ]
no subject
Date: 2018-12-08 05:54 am (UTC)[Kagerou is definitely perfect. Niles starts to clean himself up. He actually ordered himself a new eyepatch, something a bit more formal for Hoshido. He looks at him.]
...As will I, Ryoma.
[He moves closer to him and kisses him on the lips.]
Always.
no subject
Date: 2018-12-09 04:57 pm (UTC)[ Kagerou is the only one without sin on this bitch of an earth. Saizo is full of sin and also explosives. Ryoma drapes his big, embroidered robe on the bed, hand on a plainer brown robe as Niles nuzzles up into his space and gives him a sweet kiss--which he returns with a smile, fondly nuzzling in against his lover. ]
As long as we remember that, I think, we'll be fine. No matter the trouble or strife, as long as we remember that we love each other, we can weather most any storm, and overcome any hardship. I believe in us, Niles.
[ He presses one last kiss to Niles' cheek, stepping back to slide on his common robe and turning away to find a ribbon to bind his hair back with. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-01-01 02:35 am (UTC)[He kisses him again as he gets comfortable in his own robe and moves to sit down on the bed. He looks up at Ryoma and lets out a light, gentle, happy sigh. His fingers move to touch him constantly, a hand on him as if to make sure he doesn't go too far.]
I just want to... be ready for what comes next.
[He doesn't know that he will. He just knows he wants to try.]