As far as either of us knew, it was a discussion in confidence. [And you shouldn't have been eavesdropping, is what he really wants to say, but then they're going in circles.]
Do you really think so little of me that I'd chase you down just to be sure and make it worse?
If I am, I shouldn't have to defend myself from anything that happens during a private conversation with my sister. Maybe self-defense would have been not caring enough in the first place to try and stop you.
So then who's fault is it? Mine for listening in when I was trying to surprise you? Your sisters for saying such things about me? Or you for not stopping them before they could go so far?
...Exactly what am I supposed to hear from 'you shouldn't have been listening in'?
[He hates it more and more.]
No, it's not. Perhaps I'm just more used to shutting people down who start saying negative things about people I care about. Maybe next time I should just do what you did.
Then congratulations. Your reputation and your sisters have proven to be more important than how I felt. You must truly be satisfied, mister perfection.
[It's been two months. This is ridiculous. The first person he'd been in a relationship with, reputation be damned, and that was how it had ended? Just like he'd expected - not good enough in the end, and summarily rejected. Subaki should have known better, shouldn't have expected a different ending, but he let himself be happy. He deserved it, really, for letting himself get complacent.
It had been hard enough seeing Niles again, and acting like there was nothing wrong. Judging by their reception in Windhelm, Niles was probably over him, anyway. Subaki couldn't believe he'd had such stupid habits like smiling whenever he saw Niles. In the end, he'd just been Niles' latest fling after all. It was exactly what he'd been afraid of when Niles was flirting with him.
He really was an idiot.
Now here he is in the bowels of Castle Krakenburg. That last "mister perfection" was burned into his brain, and that's all he can think. Niles must loathe him if he even still thinks about Subaki at all. He's probably rebounded several times. Subaki forces those thoughts, once again, to the back of his head. Lady Sakura had assigned him to researching Nohrian medicines with Niles, and she trusted him to be professional.
It's been hours. He has some, but as obscure as it is, he still feels like he should have more. There's nobody else besides them here, and this table isn't really that big. He really shouldn't say anything, but the point of this is collaboration, so... collaboration it is.]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2017-08-11 01:35 am (UTC)You know that my reputation is... a lot to me. Mine is. I don't care about yours. I don't want to care about yours. You...
[Niles just opened up to him. Surely Subaki can do his best to return the favor.]
I envy that about you.
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Date: 2017-08-13 05:29 am (UTC)[Niles sighs gently.]
But, I'm used to that.
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Date: 2017-08-18 03:34 am (UTC)Things sounding terrible? Yes, I'm very well aware.
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Date: 2017-08-23 04:04 am (UTC)[But it's mostly teasing.]
If you came here to blame me for getting upset at your sisters words, however, I can't say you'll really make me want to stay.
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Date: 2017-08-25 04:46 pm (UTC)Do you really think so little of me that I'd chase you down just to be sure and make it worse?
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Date: 2017-08-26 02:40 am (UTC)[And you're really not convincing him.]
And you'd never tell me?
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Date: 2017-09-02 03:20 am (UTC)If I'd overheard it... I don't know. Isn't this exactly why they say ignorance is bliss? I wouldn't want to hurt you.
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Date: 2017-09-02 03:23 am (UTC)[He looks towards Subaki, making sure he saw his eyepatch carefully.]
Besides. What was I supposed to do? I had already heard enough to want to leave. Did you want me to go before now?
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Date: 2017-09-02 03:33 am (UTC)[More importantly, why would he have risked his reputation? Not for the first time, he's starting to wonder if Niles is being obtuse on purpose.]
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Date: 2017-09-02 03:46 am (UTC)[He's being a little obtuse but he's also annoyed.]
Feels like you're defending yourself first.
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Date: 2017-09-02 04:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-09-02 04:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-09-02 04:30 am (UTC)[He tilts his head back, thinking. The stars really are lovely, and it's enough to calm him down. A little.]
I don't know. I don't think it's anyone's fault.
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Date: 2017-09-02 04:33 am (UTC)[However, he just sighs.]
That's not what I'm hearing. You're clearly blaming me for listening in at all.
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Date: 2017-09-02 04:45 am (UTC)If that's what you want to hear, then that's what you're going to hear.
[He sighs. The longer this conversation goes, the more he hates it.]
Hoshido isn't Nohr. Maybe that's all it is, in the end. You said I was always there for you. What's defending you, if not that?
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Date: 2017-09-02 04:49 am (UTC)[He hates it more and more.]
No, it's not. Perhaps I'm just more used to shutting people down who start saying negative things about people I care about. Maybe next time I should just do what you did.
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Date: 2017-09-02 04:56 am (UTC)[Gods.]
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Date: 2017-09-02 04:58 am (UTC)[He's clearly bitter about this still.]
That changes almost nothing.
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Date: 2017-09-02 05:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-09-02 05:12 am (UTC)[He moves to stand up.]
Enjoy your sisters then.
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Date: 2017-09-02 05:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-09-02 05:17 am (UTC)[He narrows his gaze as the carriage comes.]
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Date: 2017-09-02 05:23 am (UTC)[He's going to stick around to watch Niles leave, not run away like someone else.]
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Date: 2017-09-02 05:24 am (UTC)What a goddamn waste.]
ch. 2
Date: 2017-09-02 06:52 am (UTC)It had been hard enough seeing Niles again, and acting like there was nothing wrong. Judging by their reception in Windhelm, Niles was probably over him, anyway. Subaki couldn't believe he'd had such stupid habits like smiling whenever he saw Niles. In the end, he'd just been Niles' latest fling after all. It was exactly what he'd been afraid of when Niles was flirting with him.
He really was an idiot.
Now here he is in the bowels of Castle Krakenburg. That last "mister perfection" was burned into his brain, and that's all he can think. Niles must loathe him if he even still thinks about Subaki at all. He's probably rebounded several times. Subaki forces those thoughts, once again, to the back of his head. Lady Sakura had assigned him to researching Nohrian medicines with Niles, and she trusted him to be professional.
It's been hours. He has some, but as obscure as it is, he still feels like he should have more. There's nobody else besides them here, and this table isn't really that big. He really shouldn't say anything, but the point of this is collaboration, so... collaboration it is.]
How's it going?
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