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[deniles]

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[deniles]

[Niles thought so too. He bows as well, before standing back up.]

I will be here.

[They both get shoo'd from the room, Niles leading Ryoma out as they standing outside. She's probably very frustrated, but Niles is still... satisfied, at the least.]

Well... that went better than expected.

[lightninglobster]

I was prepared to grovel on my knees, even.

[Ryoma takes a moment to wrap his arms around his fiance, face pressed into his hair as he just rests against him, hiding him in the voluminous fabric of his robe's sleeves.]

I'm sorry it came to this. I never thought that the tailor of all people would behave in... such an odd manner.

[deniles]

Don't apologize, Ryoma.

[He sighs, and lets himself be held. But smiles all the same, placing his head on Ryoma's chest.]

I'm more sorry that you had to take time out of your busy day to deal with it. You have to go back, right?

[He knows Ryoma is busy, so he's not going to fault him for needing to go right back to things.]

[lightninglobster]

I can't help but feel responsible for the choices made by the people under my banner. It's representative of me as a leader.

[ At least he doesn't say sorry a second time. He presses his lips to Niles' temple, finger-combing his hair with a soft smile on his lips. ]

I can make some excuses to linger a while longer. The world turns without me, doesn't it?

[deniles]

Not my world.

[He laughs, moving to take his hand and curling his fingers into it.]

True, but if you linger, it'll be longer until I have you for the rest of the day.

[Smiling towards him, and moving to place a kiss on his cheek.]

So. Go back to work. I'll have dinner ready for when you're done.

[lightninglobster]

[ Oh, Niles. You know how to warm Ryoma down to his bones, to make him soft and shy. He curls his fingers with Niles', bringing the hand up to his lips to ghost a kiss over his knuckles. ]

I'll be yours alone as quickly as I can, my heart.

[ He smiles, soft and sweet, the emotion writ bright on his face just for Niles. He then lets go of his beloved's hand, dragging himself away on the force of his will alone as he goes to finish his day's tasks with Niles ever on his mind. ]

[deniles]

[He lets out a chuckle when his fingers are kissed, before moving in to kiss him on the cheek before allowing him to leave.]

See you shortly.

[When Ryoma's gone, and heads back to his office, he lets out a little sigh and looks around for a moment.]

...I should have made him stay. Damn, I'm bored again.

[He knows Saizo is nearby. Maybe he'll suggest something.]

[lightninglobster]

[ Saizo gives a grunt, watching Kagero depart with their lord to finish the day's work, eye lidded as he switches his attention to Niles instead. His arms are folded, posture as relaxed as it gets--which isn't very, but it's slightly more than usual. Slightly. ]

Perhaps you should busy yourself with something.

[deniles]

Any suggestions then?

[Looking towards him with a chuckle.]

It's not as if I have much to busy myself with. I could train some more, but it almost seems like a waste.

[lightninglobster]

[ Saizo is not a concierge. Saizo is basically Niles without the innuendos, but... better. Because if anyone insisted anything to the contrary, he would fight them. ]

Keeping your training up is important. You could also explore the castle to better familiarize yourself with your lord's holdings.

[deniles]

[Thanks, Saizo.]

I trained to survive, Saizo. I, apparently, don't need to survive anymore. But exploring the castle... I think I will.

[He'll just start walking. Walking, walking, walking. Opening doors and peaking into places.

Tomorrow, they'll be getting engaged, and he's still feeling nervous about it. So, when he thinks he's alone, near one of the gardens, he just flops down near some of the flowers and let's himself be nervous and worried.

Which includes just heavy breathing and rubbing his face.]

[lightninglobster]

[ Saizo is a ninja because he flunked out of tour guide school. ]

Everything is survival, even life in the castle. It's best you know all of your options now.

[ And so Saizo follows Niles dutifully, talking in blunt, clipped sentences about varying places in Shirasagi... and occasionally showing Niles a secret--a hidden servants' hallway, or the ninja entrance and exit to a room. He's eyeing Niles like he's lost his mind by the time they hit a garden, fading into the background to let Niles have a panic attack for a moment... while sending a young shinobi in training to find Ryoma. Quickly. Please.

Ryoma will be there in about ten minutes. ]

[deniles]

Right. Of course.

[As he's walking through, however, he's barely listening to Saizo. He can hear what he's saying, and he keeps taking it in, but the thoughts of what's coming up start to overwhelm him.

As he sits there now, breathing and running his hand over his face, he starts to try and pick himself up. He doesn't want to disturb anyone with this. Instead, he wants to just breathe and get over it.

This is so different from being at home and working under Leo. He already feels overwhelmed by all of this already.

Maybe he should've kept Ryoma for a bit longer on.]

[lightninglobster]

[ Saizo continues his quiet attempt at patter, talking in a low voice as Niles sort of... stops to have a good freakout. Saizo doesn't know how emotions work. What is he supposed to do with this?

While he contemplates those mysteries, Ryoma arrives, shining and resplendent and entirely better equipped to handle this, and that's saying some shit. He moves quietly behind his lover. ]

Are you all right?

[deniles]

[Niles's eye goes wide as he quickly stands up to turn around to look at him. He wasn't crying, at least, but his breathing is heavy and his mind is running.]

Ah, Ryoma... I'm alright.

[Reaching to touch his hands.]

Just... thinking. About... the wedding.

[lightninglobster]

[ Well, that's worrying--though not as worrying as it would be if Niles were out and out crying, of course. He takes his lover's hands, drawing him in close so that he can press an almost chaste kiss to his forehead. ]

Good thoughts, I hope?

[deniles]

[He can't pretend it's all okay. That's not going to help. He shuts his eye for a moment as Ryoma places a kiss to his forehead.

It's a side Niles hid for years. He doesn't want anyone to see him weak or showing emotion like this. A fear that he's going to let everyone he loves down, and that he's only going to end up hurting Ryoma. He lets Ryoma kiss him as he stands there.]

...It's a lot. We're not even at the point of announcing our engagement, and it feels like... I'm going to misstep and hurt you.

[He squeezes onto Ryoma's sides.]

I love you more than I love anyone. And I only want to make sure I do it right so that you and Hoshido aren't ashamed by the actions of this outlaw... who wants nothing more than to love you until the day he dies.

[He's being honest. And honesty, for him, has always hurt.]

[lightninglobster]

[ ... perhaps it should be as worrying as if Niles were openly crying. Ryoma cups his face, expression unreadable as Niles' bares his heart, focusing on the worry lines in his face, the open pain in his eye. He doesn't know how to fix it; they don't cover how to weather through an emotional crisis while you're standing over troop maps and listening to reports.

He has no idea what he's doing, but he has to try anyway. ]

Do you want to wait to announce our engagement, then?

[ He swallows down his own fears; his own feelings of being too much. His reputation, his crown, his meaning is so much more than Ryoma himself could ever be, and that's... overwhelming. [

There's little you could do to disappoint me, Niles, and little consideration you should pay to anyone else in this life... but I suppose that's easy for me to say.

[deniles]

[Niles reaches slowly to touch his hands. He doesn't want to drag Ryoma down into his feelings of sadness and hurt him more than he has.]

...No. I don't think these feelings of worry will leave if we post-pone it.

[Niles grips onto him and holds him in place while he just tries to breathe and relax in his arms.]

And I don't want to wait either. [Pressing against him. Squeezing onto him with a sigh.] I just don't know how to handle these feelings... It's nothing I'm used to, being considered less than human and all... the worry about making everyone, including yourself, happy.

[Vulnerability sucks ass.]

...Just... promise me that if I do mess up tomorrow and I make you look like an idiot, you'll continue to love me.

[lightninglobster]

[ Ryoma's here to shoulder Niles' burdens with him, remember? He takes Niles' hands, squeezing gently as he moves to rest his forehead against the blond's, watching him with such fondness in his eye as he moves to hold him close instead. It's so strange, seeing Niles so... on the back foot, off his game.

There's no sly mockery and just-barely hidden barbs here. ]

You are the only person I hold above my country, Niles. Your happiness means everything to me. Anything that I can do for you, anything I can say, or try... please, tell me. I only want to see you smile.

[ ... and there's a sober look on Ryoma's face, somber and drawn. ]

You could put a dagger to my throat tonight in bed and I'd still love you, Niles.

[deniles]

[Niles is so used to handling his own burdens and problems that someone else doing it for him, and someone offering to pick him up to carry him to safety. From birth, he's pretty much had to stand up on his own.

He doesn't know how to deal with the fact that Ryoma is promising to shoulder so much. He looks at him with a shaky nod. He feels vulnerable. And scared in a way.]

Just... please... promise to love me no matter what I do tomorrow.

[He wants to hear those exact words. Maybe then he can relax.]

[lightninglobster]

No matter what happens tomorrow, Niles, I will always love you.

[ He holds his fiance tight, hand cupping around the back of his neck so that he's made to lock eye with Ryoma while he says it. His words burn with all the intensity he can muster, sincere and stern. He is unwavering, unblinking. ]

I love you, Niles.

[deniles]

[Niles just looks at Ryoma and knows his words are true. He'd feel foolish if not for the fact that Ryoma is indulging these crazy thoughts that he's having without even smiling at them.]

...I love you too, Ryoma.

[lightninglobster]

[ There's a moment of softness in Ryoma. He so rarely bares anything about himself to anyone, but Niles calls to the softness kept deep under duty and stoicism; Ryoma lays his heart at Niles' feet, for better or for worse. The softness gives way to amusement--another rare emotion for Ryoma to display--as he fixes at Niles' hair. ]

You may frustrate and confuse me at, at times, but know that I love you. Almost nothing you could do will stop me from loving you--and annoying the nobility is nowhere near my limits.

[deniles]

[He lets out a heavy, breathy sigh when he says that.]

That was almost romantic.

[But he knows he's frustrating and confusing to everyone, including Leo, so Ryoma isn't really an exception.]

I just... want to be the best spouse for you.